quick thoughts of the heart

Bear with me as I write my thoughts of love, relationship, and all that.

I don’t know how I could commit myself into a relationship when I knew that I wasn’t completely ready. Single (average self-esteemed) people, when you’ve read that you should love yourself before you can love others, it is so true. SO TRUE. Only when you’ve truly felt like you’re enough and you’re perfect just the way you are and you love yourself without conditions…only then you’d be able to give your love to someone else…to give the effort to love someone else.

My instinct, gut feeling, or whatever was warning me. Yet I ignored it. I wanted to give it a chance. Nothing wrong in that, yes. But it IS wrong when you commit to something you’re not sure about. There was a dilemma in this. And I took the plunge.

By doing so, I am hurting the other person. And this will hurt me more, knowing that I’m doing this to the other person.

If he were the one, I wouldn’t look elsewhere. If he were the one, I’d give my ALL. I know my ALL. I gave it once to someone before.

Our personalities don’t fit. Our expectations don’t fit. Our ideas of love and relationship don’t fit. Our goals for the future don’t fit.

Then how the heck did we end up together, you ask? Foolish hope. Desperation for someone to lean on. Someone new. Different.

It’s sad. Truly is. Won’t deny it.

Listening to “I don’t feel it anymore” by William Fitzsimmons.




Someone I used to know told me that instead of looking for a stable relationship, I should first stabilise my career, finances, and my own being. I was stuck with this thought for over a year now, and today, I realised something.

While having everything “stable” is highly encouraged, I was wondering what if I could not have a stable career and/or finance status? What if that would come as I age? Do I have to wait so long before being in a relationship? Of course the “my own being” is top priority, though. But what about the rest?

And what if my own being demands to always be on the move, to always have exciting moments? So my career can’t be in one specific long-term field. Instead, it’ll be something that is a roller-coaster with safety bar at most times because my being demands to travel and take risks. That would be bad for my financial status, yes, but money will surely come by. I don’t have to be so rich – just enough and a bit more to get me by.

Would I be able to get a “stable” relationship when my own being wants adventures, excitement, roller-coasters…? Of course I would. I will. For there is someone out there with the same dream as mine. :)

Chase your dreams, my lovelies!


Heritage vs Culture and between Love and Trust.

Below is the exact post I have on my Facebook:

After the wedding reception, I went to the after-party at my friend’s (i.e. the groom) place and his family was all there. He’s mixed Berawan and English so can you imagine the crowd?

I got to taste Tuak Berawan-style and it was less lethal than the Tuak Iban. Lol and I even got to dance their traditional Berawan dance a little as a mark of respect. It isn’t that different to Ngajat Iban.

It was nice to be in touch with a heritage that’s similar to mine…celebrated and respected. Didn’t think Miri could surprise me this way.

Brunei, could you?


The solemnization ceremony between Jeff & Lydia that afternoon was emotional and beautiful; what more held on the beach! :) Reception was a bit more systematic, but I guess I’m speaking from a non-relative perspective. The after-party at Jeff’s was great! ;)

But there is that downside about weddings for me. People already finding their additional happiness in someone else who makes them better.

There was a moment that I managed to witness when Jeff cups his wife’s face in his hands after she took a shot of an alcoholic drink that his mum offered her. She doesn’t usually drink so I’m guessing Jeff was saying “well done, love, you did alright :)”. They shared a moment of re-assurance and inter-dependence between each other. Like, awwww. Ha.

What is your favourite wedding moment?