Attempting to answer – what is the meaning of life

Life is never easy for anyone. You want to leave a mark on the world but you feel so small and insignificant. You don’t realize how big you actually are and how important the things you do. Think of the ripple effect. Think of all the people in your life who are in any way affected by you. You can change lives (you most likely already do). You can have an impact on the world (everyone can). You just have to set your goals and make a plan. And remember that everything you do matters and that even the little things can make a huge difference.

Lee Garibaldi

Chase your dreams, my lovelies.

/E

Stability

Someone I used to know told me that instead of looking for a stable relationship, I should first stabilise my career, finances, and my own being. I was stuck with this thought for over a year now, and today, I realised something.

While having everything “stable” is highly encouraged, I was wondering what if I could not have a stable career and/or finance status? What if that would come as I age? Do I have to wait so long before being in a relationship? Of course the “my own being” is top priority, though. But what about the rest?

And what if my own being demands to always be on the move, to always have exciting moments? So my career can’t be in one specific long-term field. Instead, it’ll be something that is a roller-coaster with safety bar at most times because my being demands to travel and take risks. That would be bad for my financial status, yes, but money will surely come by. I don’t have to be so rich – just enough and a bit more to get me by.

Would I be able to get a “stable” relationship when my own being wants adventures, excitement, roller-coasters…? Of course I would. I will. For there is someone out there with the same dream as mine. :)

Chase your dreams, my lovelies!

/E

my love’s too big for you, my love

:)

It is one of those things that I’ve learned. People aren’t perfect. People make mistakes. At first, I was oblivious. No. Blind. I looked through the imperfections. I let myself become vulnerable. I know better now. I was angry. Then I looked at myself. I’ve done my share of bad things. So I suppose it’s only fair that something bad has happened to me. And that’s okay. I move on.

I get to know different sorts of people. How low a person can go. How high. My good friend once told me this:

you do realize you have to overcome this first, then you can move on to the problems of the world. if you have not fought this, it will be hard for you to accept what’s out there.

I wanted to believe that it was otherwise. The good people I have beside me have been so patient with me (or maybe not! hehe) and they’re glad that I’ve finally seen it for myself. Irony of that is that the person I’m disappointed with said to me this: “You have to see it to believe it”. And hell, I saw it without him realizing it. So thank you.

Life goes on as it never ends.

Yes, it’s painful. But everything will be okay. I’ll be okay.

 

The only person you have control over is yourself.

/E

big aims.

The past couple of months I’ve been on and off having conversations with one of my great friends about “making it big”. He has visions of making it out on his own and, God willing, visions become awesome achievements. And he has so much faith in me. He believes in me more than I believe in myself because he wants me to chase my dreams, too.

Few nights ago, I had another similar conversation with a man. We’ve started this trail of conversation last year, and it was great to catch up with how he was doing on his side recently. I found myself smiling, intrigued with this man’s wisdom and perseverance into working his dream for himself and his family. That night, I learned that nothing worthwhile ever truly comes easy. Requires patience, determination, belief and effort.

Several hours ago, I had a similar line of conversation with my best friend. “I hope you see that I have big aims”, he said, softly. “And I hope you see that I’m here for you to help you achieve them,” I replied.

Three different people, similar goals. One is just gradually starting, one is working through the ropes, and the other is thinking and talking about it. My support varies, but with the same intention i.e. to keep these people moving towards their aims. It’s one of those things that I have to tell myself, too. I’ve got to make my move, got to be determined, and got to help myself.

And of all these three people, the one that I had hoped to include me in their plans didn’t. Sad, isn’t it? Or maybe I’m over-thinking.

I shall blame this depression on every girl’s excuse i.e. PMS. Don’t wanna dwell on this.

“I don’t need a cheerleader. I need a striker.” – a good quote my friend shared with me. Can’t I be both?

 

Till then.

/E

so that was that.

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

“Come stay with me”
“No, I can’t”
“Why not? Come on…”
“I can’t…I’ll just get hurt in the end”
“Hurt? Hmmm just this one time, come stay with me for awhile. I’m serious.”
“And I’m serious, too. I can’t…I don’t want to”
“Sure? Please stay with me”
“You know I can’t. Don’t do this to me”
“Just for a drive. I’ll drive you home”
“No, it’s okay, I’m just gonna go with ***”
“The reason I came out tonight with them is because I wanted to see you”
“Oh, really? Well, I didn’t really expect you to be here…”
“Exactly. So, come on, stay with me”
“I can’t…please. I can’t”
“I’m serious. I want to be with you tonight…This is what I want”
“What you want, yes. Not what I want”
“But I want you. I’m serious, I’m not playing around. I really want to be with you tonight. Or else, why would I try so hard to plan tonight?”
“You’re sweet…but I can’t. Please let me go…Some other time maybe…”
“No, I want tonight. Come on…I don’t usually ‘beg’ a girl, you know”
“No…I have to go…”
“Sure?”
“Yes”
“Really sure? Sure sure?”
“Yes, really sure, sure sure”
“Sigh…..okay then…”

Took all my might to say no.
And I didn’t think it was gonna go this way at all. But I did the right thing. Not only for the other concerned party, but for myself as well. Being true to myself. Heh. It was fun out with my friends tonight and with him there. Sigh.

Let’s sleep it off :)

/E